Club 18- 30 Diary: Drunken Antics In Kavos

Kavos 2013

(With Scott Tomkinson & Leanne Foden) (Amount Taken €796)

Monday 10^th June 2013

The day has finally came for Kavos I know is going to be insaaaaane! My objectives for the holiday are: get in drunken states every night, stay out till 4-5am each night, wake up everyday for 10-11am, not to chunder, try new food (hopefully a turtle), not to be clumsy all week, win/ take part in a dance off and oh yeah get my fucking shag on!!! I got out of bed as soon as my alarm rang at 2.25am like it was xmas morning then said farewell to Jess as well as thanking for letting me stay at her’s and did a 2 minute trip to Scott’s. He didn’t answer his phone so I assume he’s sleeping however I saw the light through his window so I did a faggot knock but there was no answer. Leanne drove past with her Dad so I went to put my case in the car, her Dad was fuming with him as he’s not ready yet which is classical Scott all over. Leanne did a full on police-style knock to find that it had woken him up and was just getting his sit together lol. Leanne’s Dad was telling me to speak quietly as he didn’t want to wake the neighbours, scott trekked to his car to grab some things out and I heard his mum shouting “you not going to say goodbye to your mummy” PMSL! On the way there I forgot my to make some bloody sandwiches and that I left my spare charger at Jess‘ as well as forgetting my headphones, so the clumsiness rule has already gone out of the window and we haven’t even got to the airport yet! Scott realised he forgot to have a haircut & his European Health Insurance card has arrived which I didn’t think would since he applied for it a few days ago! We had to pay £3.80 for a toll booth but I couldn’t find my change at the time luckily I found 90p in my back pocket to give towards another toll booth at the airport costing £1 to stay just for 10 minutes the robbing cunts! Leanne went straight to he check-in desk so I gave her my phone to keep in contact as she didn’t bring her own even though it’s a shit phone that you wouldn’t miss :S The que for Thomas Cook was huge so I gave Scott 1 out of 3 of the cameras that I brought as his phone died but none of the fuckers would turn on so I assume the battery is dead from all of them. When we got to the front of the que the check-in lady shouted everyone flying to Palma to come to the front which we weren’t happy about since we’re so bloody close to checking-in! However when they got to the front of the que the staff said they got the wrong destination and meant to say Baha so they all had to trek to the back of the que which they were all fuming about. My big case weighed 16kg which she let off then didn’t ask about hand-luggage till I mentioned like a daft twat which weighed 7.8kg when the limit is 5kg but the hot lady let me off still YAY! :) We were going through going through security where I was getting frisked “randomly” by some short fat fucker so I asked for a woman but sadly they didn’t no darn swap :( When we met Leanne we went to the smoking shelter but needed the code which is only obtainable if you buy something from this breakfast place so I figured we’ll just wait till some other fucker goes out for fag which worked. Leanne was already being full on panicky thinking that she’ll be left behind when the plane lands, mate it’s not a fucking train or a bus! Scott & I went to get a hot chocolate when Leanne pissed off without even telling us and Scott is not looking forward to her cock blocking him the week. We’re planning on telling her that she can’t bring a lad back incase he robs our things as well as if we get interrupted bring a girl back to our chateau lol, so I wonder how she’s going to take the news.... After 1 last fag I endured a long ass que to buy the paper from WH Smiths and we saw that it was our final call for our gate so we ran like we’ve just mugged someone. We met these 2 hot girls who are also staying at our hotel and said they went Kavos last September and it’s meant to be crazier than on “What Happens In Kavos” as well as our hotel being the most liveliest one as they visited it before so now i’m getting even more excited aghhhh!We go on the plane around 6.30am with no queing thanks to almost missing the flight, Scott was jizzing himself in excitement as he has never been on a plane before or even an airport before today. The flight got delayed as they needed the petrol man to fill up whom was late but I was fine with it as I was writing in my diary, reading the paper and my manly version of “50 Shades of Grey”. There was an Asian guy who was going to a chilled part of Corfu with his gf and when were taking off I told Scott not to worry even though he’s sitting besides to Asians lol. We set off around 7.15am it was funny seeing Scott’s reaction as he didn’t know what to expect luckily he was fine soon after, sadly all flight attendants were either gay or mingers :( Scott wanted to watch Die Hard 5 on the plane so I figured I’ll go halves on him as it was only £3.50 each on an offer for 2 people which includes a bag of popcorn. The card machine wouldn’t accept either of my cards so we had to fork out €5 each instead but the headphones were full straight garbage, luckily I found my ones in my jacket pocket so I figured I’ll crack one off in the toilets after the film was over to join the mile high club solo style. The popcorn wasn’t very nice as it was mixed with chocolate caramel and Scott started to fall asleep soon after I did too but I kept forcing myself to stay awake as I didn’t want the first €5 of this holiday to be a waste. We got told we’re 2 hours ahead of UK time so we are expected to land 12.45pm Greek time so hopefully we should arrive there to the hotel by 2pm... I ended up falling asleep like a twat near the end of the film so I woke up when the credits were rolling which was frustrating as it was a pretty darn good film! I went to the bogs to crack one off but I thought I heard on the tannoy that we are landing in 5 mins so I tried chugging one off really quick but I couldn’t finish :( I was going to get some sleep till I saw the program “New Girl” on so I decided to ride it out and stay awake to watch that which I’ll regret that later on lol, Gary Barlow was coming on TV afterwards so I decided to read the filthy book again till we landed around 12.35pm. It got me all excited but I think Scott was more jolly since it was his first time abroad, I just really hope I don’t break my arm over here as I got no job to go back to since you can’t trim a Bentley with 1 fucking hand! However I kept thinking I could just work over there if that ever happens and get a flight over to Bulgaria in August but I hope I don’t have to resort to that. The wait to get our luggage was taking the piss eventually after actually getting it we got told by the reps to go our coach but before we did so we nipped to the shop to buy some water for our parched throats like a pair of Ethiopians. The weather wasn’t as hot as we expected it to be then we sat on the front next to the 2 girls we met along with the rep, sadly the rep wasn’t as lively as Sam Allen from Malia. So we were speaking to the girls who are sisters that live on a farm near Worcester saying it’s a terrible place to stay as it’s about 30 minutes away from the shops and carried on chatting bubbles to get us through this 1 hour journey to our hotel. The rep said it’s her first time repping as well as the downside to working 10am-2am 6 days a week but it’s the experience that counts. When we got the hotel we had to give our passports along with a €40 deposit to the reception and got shown to our room which is 109. After getting escorted by Gemma the rep she said they’ll comeback for our welcome meeting soon so I got everything unpacked but my european plugs weren’t working for some reason :S Leanne had been waiting for us in the room for about 45 mins then we to reception as the rep didn’t bother come to give us our welcome meeting. I asked if we could get a spare key which is possible with a €10 deposit and I saw this rep called Ollie who thought I had weed in my baccy tin and said it’s hard to find illegal narcotics which I was happy about as I’d rather get pissed as fuck! Scott & Leanne went halves on a safe key for €5 each and I asked Ollie to our welcome meeting he seemed like a laid back guy who says that he flushes bog roll down the toilet even though your not supposed to. He was giving us a description of all the excursions they have got to offer but all I was waiting for was him to tell us how much it costs as I knew I’m doing all of them. As soon as he said €195 I gave it him straight away even-though I forgot what he sold me already but all I know is it’s going to be hectic and shockingly Scott & Leanne agreed to do the whole week too as he said we would spend more money if we go out other places. Ollie could tell by my cap that I’m going to be one crazy character so at least he knows what to expect lol. Sadly there is nothing going on tonight since it arrivals day so we decided to plan something of our own we did a tour down the strip to find the famous watermelon drinks for €10 each which we’ll start off on tonight. We nipped a few souvenir shops where I got a wristband, mirror tinted ray bans, 1 carton of fags and 2 bottles of beer which got me a bit drunk already! I kept taking loads of flyers off the PR’s luckily there isn’t many of the fuckers around in the day to hassle us, Scott & I were looking at tattoos and I’m planning on getting “Keep Cool And Rave On” on the last day so I don’t get it infected like a spaz. Leanne wanted to get a munch but we decided to get one after 6pm as that’s when the pool shuts. We stocked up on bottles of water but I ended up losing them so I checked the room but there were nowhere to be found so I got a key from the reception. After dropping off the water I saw Leanne & Scott coming to our room saying they carried on walking down the strip without realising I wasn’t behind em. The amazing thing about our hotel is that our hotel is situated next to 4 clubs/bars, the beach straight ahead of our pool and free motherfucking WiFi!!! Scott & I went to the supermarket which was near us to get drinks where I got a big bottle of sprite accompanied with vodka so I put some in a water bottle to slurp by the pool so I don’t get a bollocking by the staff hehe! They were both calling me boring as I didn’t want to hop in the pool as I just wanted to catch up on my diary as I’m not a fan of swimming like a fish in the pool after a few drinks incase I drown or something. I was talking to these girls that were from Liverpool Uni whom had their tits out so it wasn’t hard to have a cheeky stare with my shades on so they couldn’t notice haha. We saw the 2 sisters from the airport whom were called Helen & Penny so I got chatting to them who were intrigued with my diary. Apparently one of them has got hairy nipples ewwww and they were chatting to these 3 lads from Kingston upon Hull, their names were called James (The barrister as in a coffee shop), Mike (The uni student) & Jonny (The chef). I nipped back the room to fill my 3rd drink as well as bringing my mix CD as they were playing house music and the staff were fine with me playing my tunes, it livened the place up more as well as me starting to do my skanking because I was full on steaming. The pool didn’t shut at 6pm so after Leanne came out of the shower we went for a bloody feast and my beer goggles were on full alert so I feel like pounding Leanne but I’ll let my night unfold first.... After waiting around for Leanne to finish getting ready I was asking Penny & Helen where there is a buffet whom recommended a Chinese down the strip. But when I turned around Leanne & Scott had fucked off somewhere without even telling me so I was asking the PR’s if they saw a girl who looked like a scarecrow and a guy in a grey hat but they all chuckled saying no. I ended up going to the top of the strip where a PR lured me into a place that does a 3 course meal with a fish bowl all for €7.50! I met these group of girls who told me i could get 2 starters & 1 main instead of a desert so I got myself garlic mushrooms, spicy meatballs and a Greek lamb dish as they don’t sell turtle here :( They allowed me to go on the laptop however it was all in Greek so it wasn’t helpful and found out that they have only 24 letters in the Greek alphabet! The lamb dish was like a spag bol but the rice was like pasta with chips & salad which was a mission and a half to finish it but I managed to devour it! Luckily I managed to do so then polished off the fish bowl along the way back I had realised I left my bloody cap at the restaurant along with my shades but my shades were nowhere to be found :( So i got another pair of shades then went to see that our bathroom window was open so I climbed through to see my shades were there all this time! God this clumsiness is sooooo gonna fuck me over this week if this has already happened lol. I luckily found found Scott & Leanne walking back saying they went back for the hotel to get money and looked for me for 10 minutes which was good to hear. We went back to the room to have a few drinks then set off around 9ish to TKD’s to have a watermelon fish bowl as it’s right next to us. The guy was sound as fuck saying we can try it first to see if we like it which contained bare vodka & peach snaps along with a smoothie. As usual Leanne was being awkward saying she won’t like it as it contains peach snaps as she tried something similar like it back home which I think is utter bollocks since she hasn’t drank in ages and said that she’ll be able to taste the peach snaps. So she ended up going to the souvenir without even trying it so Scott & I went halves on 1, he agreed that Leanne is being a blag and regrets allowing her to come Kavos with us. We met these 2 girls from Glasgow called Linda & Nicola who were also buying a water mellon drink so we let them try ours and get chatting to find out their staying at hotel for 2 weeks. Soon we met these 3 lads from Bristol called Curtis, Billy & James that are also staying at our hotel and is trying the water mellon drink whom were on the same flight as us. It was funny seeing Curtis full on steaming whilst Billy was trying to look after him and James being the sensible observer. I ended up going down the strip with the lads whilst Scott stayed with the girls and from on there I can’t really remember much apart from our gay neighbours & their hot younger sister looking after me....

Tuesday 11^th June 2013

I somehow managed to wake up around 10.30am still feeling drunk with no clothes on and can’t find my boxers so I hope the gay lads didn’t do anything to me! So I did the 3 S’ (Shit, shower & shave) then we all got ready to go by the pool, I spoke to the gay neighbours & sisters who said I tried it on with her but sadly didn’t succeed. The rep called Kerry came over to give them their welcome meeting but I wanted to sell the holiday to them however she wouldn’t let me and said I can sell it to her later on and tell me what I’m like so that cheered me up as I’m thinking I am gonna get my willy splashed. When we were chilling by the pool the staff told us that we aren’t allowed to bring our own drinks by the pool so I went back to drop em off and went to get some food but Leanne was faffing about so we walked down the road slowly for her to catch us up. She came with her socks on as she forgot to put her shoes on WTF?! How an earth can you forget to put them on? It’s like brushing your teeth with no toothpaste lol, we found a place that really cheap breakfasts for €1.90 but I was a hungry fucker so I payed for a bigger munch which includes a drink for €7. Scott & Leanne were regretting paying for the whole week’s package as people told them it’s overpriced and it was cheap to go out last night, it was a full on struggle to eat the food which I sadly couldn’t polish off :( We came back to chill by the pool where I caught up on my diary and I saw that my knee was grazed from last night somehow which hurts and my flip flops were cutting my foot so now I’m going to have to resort to wearing my trainers all week which I’m glad in a way as flip flops are a blag! Scott dared me to jump in the pool shouting bomb making it sound like such a scary thing to do so I did it and had a race from one end of the pool to the other but Scott gave up half way as I was battering him We went into the sea afterwards but Scott was scared a shark may get him and I wanted to jump off the pier but he was too much of a wimp so we didn’t end up going. The plan for today was a pool party at 2pm then a paint party later on in the night which I’m really looking forward to. The pool party was pretty good there was a a tally chart of how many each drink per group had. We joined with the Bristol boys we met last night at TKD’s and called ourselves the pussy slayers where I was being really competitive having 5 shots at a time to stay in the lead. The reps told us the lads go on 1 side of the pool with the girls on the other end and was pouring drinks down all our throats however the girls won as their rep took the spout of to win so we got that 1 as they cheated. Scott & I took part in a pool race where you have to stay underwater all the way to the other end but I had my contact lenses in so I had my eyes shut all the way incase they came out or I caught an infection but I near the finishing line I ended up going the wrong bloody way! I met these 2 girls from Sheffield called Tanya & Katie but when I told Tanya my name she thought I said David Brown which I don’t know she misheard with that name! They were tying with us so I got 25 shots to blow them away luckily they tasted like sidekicks so it wasn’t so bad but it still resulted in me chundering lol. There was a power cut so the pool party finished early so we went for a meal with the Bristol boys & Glasgow girls but Leanne was faffing about yet again so we left without her. The place was pretty good as they gave us laptops to go on as well as 3 course meal for €8. After the munch we went back to our room to have pre-drinks whilst they gone to get ready first and I saw Leanne crying but didn’t say why the awkward fuck so I ignored her and told her get a grip as we’ve got people coming. I was wearing my ravers outfit then after a few drinks we set off for the pub crawl whilst Leanne said she’ll meet us later, I was getting a lot of attention from people because of my outfit which I didn’t mind as it was a good conversation starter. I met this girl from Newcastle that is going Bulgaria the same time as me so she’s gonna have to put up with another week of craziness. The pub crawl was pretty busy but after having 2-3 drinks called a headfucker I couldn’t remember much after that.....

Wednesday 12^th June 2013

I woke up around 10am shockingly as well as Scott so we chilled by the people when the Bristol lads & Glasgow girls met us saying they are up for food so we nipped to see if Leanne wants any. As usual she was faffing about so we went without her, i was feeling grim as fuck but wanted to try lobster for €40 but it would have taken a while to cook so I ended up settling with fish & chips. It was hard as fuck to eat it so I had to do a tactical chunder when this other guest was having a go at me for doing it on the strip and gave me a bucket of water to wash it off. Luckily it got me hungry again so I managed to polish the rest of the food with complete ease then split up to recuperate in our rooms. Leanne was thinking that we’ve been going on these meals without her on purpose so I told her to stop being paranoid as we invited her it’s just that she faffs about all the time when she looks pretty much exactly the same after she gets ready! After a few minutes of an awkward silence she was alright again saying she ended up getting weed which was pretty good as well as getting her shag on with this lad who’s at the same hotel as us. Soon we were having pre-drinks with the lads & lasses sadly they said they weren’t game for us as they’re 26 so we were too young, to be honest I wasn’t fussed as I’m not bothered about getting my freak on as I get too smashed lol. We were piecing up last nights antics together and everyone noticed that I’ve got cuts on my face along with a black eye which I wouldn’t have know if they didn’t say anything the only plus side to it was that it’s a good conversation starter lol. Kev the team leader came by to sell us Big Reunion which Scott didn’t want to go until he showed them the promo video, he tried convincing me to go but I said my friend Jess is booking it in Malia which he knew as he worked at the 4 Seasons last year! However he was still blagging me to book on then cross-reference it which is a blag being on hold for ages as I knew he just wanted my commission but I didn’t give in. We headed to the foam party around 4pm where I met Jess’ mates from Malia called Louise & Jessica which I apparently met in The Big Reunion but haven’t got the foggiest clue about it lol. The foam party was amazing with a free bar as well as some games which I remember as I was too smashed, at first the foam was spurting out a little but eventually everyone was drowned in it! I had to get myself out of there as I started to cough my guts out as well as worrying about it fucking my contact lenses resulting me into going blind! The only plus side I could think of being blind is getting a free dog which includes free food, pet insurance and you won't have to pick up the dog shit since you cant see the fuckers. We went back to our room to carry on having more drinks when Scott ended up getting his lip pierced and getting his cock out for some mad reason, from then onwards I couldn’t remember a thing yet again! I’ve been having west as fuck dreams which I think is because of the alcohol and I feel like I’ve been doing partying hard but feel upset when I wake up as it wasn’t real :( I woke up at 4am feeling angry that I was asleep then saw Scott on the other bed so I got his ass up and he was feeling the same way as well as not remembering what had happened. We went down the strip to find the Radio 1 Tim Westwood show but it was too late the place was already closed so we decided to go Atlantis since it’s pretty much on our doorstep and met this guy called Dilhan who stays at our hotel whom was lost so we recruited him with us. Every time I bought a drink I kept throwing it back up however I did carry raving on but eventually I gave up as I was just wasting my money to be honest. So I trotted off home for 5am whilst Scott stayed out to party on then Leanne came back 30 minutes later saying she shagged the same lad again whilst getting stoned all night. I did try my charms on her but she didn't seem game since she’s already had her pussy fed with cock so I figured I’ll give it an attempt another day lol, Scott came back at 6am being lively as fuck which Leanne wasn’t happy about as she was trying to sleep but eventually he shut up and went kippo too zzzz

Thursday 13^th June 2013

I had a another crazy dream where I saw Tevez walking down the strip whom wasn’t happy I recognised him and started power walking on when I requested a picture with him which is pretty crazy since I don’t even know what the geezer looks like! God knows how but I managed to wake up for 9am feeling angry the fact that I lost my UV cap, shades and I lost my diary which was the most heartbreaking thing ever as I’d rather lose my phone than that! I went by the pool to upload more pictures feeling angry about my diary then I started to speak to some Essex girls where I met 1 hot one called Dannielle as it was written on the back of her top. She told me that she had a hangover & mosquito bites so I nipped back to my room to get the tablets as well as searching through all the crap on the floor to find my diary buried underneath it all! So I shouted “yes” which the other 2 were not happy about as they were still trying to sleep lol but I wasn’t fussed I found my motherfucking diary again YAY!!!!! After giving Danielle the pills I was doing a catch up of yesterday but realised I don’t remember much of what’s happened thanks to being a ridiculous state so there wasn’t much to write down which in a way is a good thing as it’s a bit of a chore writing loads down but sad in a way as there’s not as much to read back on when it’s completed. I’ve noticed I got some more cuts on myself as well my watch being missing, if my cock wasn’t attached to myself I reckon would have lost that guy too! I nipped back the room to get the others up when I saw some lads trying to get a new bed-sheet off the cleaning lady but she wouldn’t give them one as they pissed on it and they all thought I was a rep for some reason :S Scott was really angry that I put pictures of him with his cock out on Facebook as his whole family is on it oops! I tried connecting to the WiFi by the pool but it wasn’t working so we set off to get some munch while I bought yet another pair of ray-bans. We went to the place where I ate on my own where I ordered some more crazy Greek food and deleted the pics of Scott’s cock on their laptop as the waiter showed me how to turn the Greek language off the laptop whilst waiting for em to cook the grub. I was happy that it was really nice but the sad part was the darn alcohol has shrank my stomach so I couldn’t finish it all :( Leanne was telling us what happened last night where we all go our cocks out in our room for some daft reason then headed of to a meal where the staff refused to serve us as we were both too fucked and I chundered outside on the strip. Scott was laughing at me but ended up doing so himself on the same patch so that’s karma fucking him in the mouth haha and we stumbled back to our hotel to get some sleep. The others came back to wake us up by shaking us etc but we were dead to the world, she also mentioned that the lad she’s shagging wants to only be with her for the whole week and was tempted to bang this other lad yesterday that she was kissing. We both he sounded like a proper dickhead so we told her not to bring him round our whilst she wasn’t fussed about the way he’s been acting and is fine with just shagging him all week! We went down the beach to find out how much it costs to go on jet ski’s to find a good offer that also included paragliding & ringos for €60, we wanted to do it today but the paraglide man isn’t here today so we figured we’ll come tomorrow to do them. When we got back to our room around 1.30pm I did the 3 S’ then Curtis came to see if we’re up for a meal but declined since we just we ate. He mentioned that Scott slapped with his cock at the restaurant yesterday which I don’t know how Leanne could miss out and he was shocked to do something like that in public and i was annoyed but I kind of deserved it after putting pictures of his cock on Facebook. We received a note off the reps saying that we should meet by the pool for 5.40pm for tonight’s antics whatever that is lol and Scott was gutted to see that his phone is broke from the foam party. I was happy to find my other pair of shades under the bed which cheered me, I chilled by the pool for a bit chatting to people whom thought I came on holiday on my own as I’m not with my mates much lol. I got back to the room to see that I’ve only got €100 left so I know I’ll be paying a visit to the cash point soon and the lads told me that they threw a bucket of water over me to wake me up at the restaurant then I carried on dancing away a bit more haha!! We chilled by the pool around 3ish where I started drinking again and met this guy called Andy who just finished Uni doing robotics which sounds interesting. All his mates were dying in their rooms from last night so we invited him back to our room for drinks and Ollie came to us recommending to take €30 for tonight. He wanted to borrow a costume off me so I was going to lend him the ace of spades outfit but I wanted it back but he doesn’t know if he would be able to do that so I didn’t bother give it him. We nipped to the shop to buy a bottle of Absinthe which Curtis & I went halves on as everyone else was too much of a wimp to have any which only cost €8 each. James ended up booking a flight home as he missed his girlfriend for tonight bless him, he certainly did live up to the phrase “go hard or go home”. I ended up having 4-5 shots whilst getting in my pirate outfit then we all nipped to the lobby to grab our tickets for the boat party, I was speaking to this gay lad who said that he walked me home 1 night as I couldn’t find my way home which was nice of him but I hope he didn’t expect something from me. We set off to the pier around 6ish to see there’s 2 boats parties as it was too packed for just 1, there was a guy speaking on the microphone saying that we’re not allowed to jump off the shop and can’t stand on the benches as I was wobbling off. It was pretty cool hearing the guy doing shout outs to me saying I’m Captain Jack Sparrow as well as wants what drugs I’m on haha! The que to buy drinks was fucking long as well as the cheapest drinks were cocktails for €5 luckily Leanne bought me 1 as I waited in the que for her which was about 30-40 minutes and could hear drinking games starting :( When I got back up I joined this game where we sat boy/girl passsing sex on the beach ingredients through our mouths to the person right at the back. Somehow Leanne’s team won with the most in it and she was supposed to down the drink but didn’t do it, there was a rule that if you have your drink in your right hand you have to down it and the gay guy spilt his on the floor so he licked up the sick cunt! Later on there was a free munch which consisted of bread, salad & fried chicken which was amazing and afterwards the cocktails were 2 for €7 & shots for €1 but they ran out of shot glasses! We got back from the boat around 9.15pm then got told to meet at the reception for a pub crawl at 9.40 so I had a few more shots in our room and we were all pretty steaming. I went for a stonking shit and for some reason Scott couldn’t wait for me to finish so he came in for a shower then Leanne came in for a piss in the shower the impatient fuckers! Billy joined us after his nap since he didn’t go the boat party and from there on the whole night was a blur yet again!

Friday 14^th June 2013

I got out of bed as soon as the Bristol lads & Glasgow girls knocked on around 11am saying they’re going for food, I’ve noticed I only got 1 contact lense in with my spare pair missing as well as having €30 left and I couldn’t find my phone!! Scott joined us for a much whilst Leanne slept I got fish fingers & chips to chow down on and was trying to do some PR’ing whilst waiting for the food but it wasn’t working. I figured since I’m so low on cash I’m going to have to give the water sports a miss then after the munch we went back to our rooms to recuperate and I looked for my phone but sadly it was nowhere to be found :( I was fucking gutted that I lost it seriously I wish I got raped instead so now I’m going to have to resort to getting in the pictures that the reps take, God this sounds like Malia all over again! I went over by the pool to hear that one of Dilhan’s mates has lost his phone too and the farmer girls said that someone must have spiked my drink as my eyes were rolling back whilst I was skanking! They burst out laughing when I told them that it happens all the time hence why I wear my shades on nights out lol I was chilling by the pool catching up on my diary whilst trying to connect to the internet on my iPod but for some reason it wasn’t working so I felt like i’m disconnected with the real world. I was trying to piece back the night from everyone else but apparently I wasn’t with them and I was talking to this lad called Luke who read my diary telling me to contact the local newspaper to get my diary published. He left me a goodbye message as he was leaving today and I think I might take his advice when I get back home. When I went back to the room I heard that Scott the unlucky sod has lost the safe key so he had to pay €25 for another but if he finds it he’ll be able to get his money back. We went down the beach for a walk when this guy came up to us asking if we’re interested in the Crazy Speedboat which I’ve seen advertised on Facebook before we arrived. It cost €35 which includes a trip down a cave, snorkelling everyone was up for so we put a €10 deposit down and got told to pay the rest later on at his bar called Fresh. We went looking for a bank for Scott since the daft clown lost his bank card before we even arrived but knows all the numbers on his card which is mad, if he could do that then I don’t understand why he can’t just remember where he left his card!. However there is no actual banks to be found in Kavos just bastard cash points so I ended up withdrawing €200 out which was about £183 and went on a hunt for a digital camera. I saw 1 in the shop which looked similar to my one but the crafty Greeks were trying to charge me €95 for it so I didn’t bother and just bought 3 disposable cameras that took 39 photo’s each for just €8.50 each. Unlucky for Scott he’s got to survive with just €100 now till we get back home the only good thing was that we saw that a foam party is opening tonight which includes a free bar all for just €20 so I’ll be paying a visit to that place later. We nipped back the room to mong out when Leanne noticed that she’s got over 20 bruises on each leg which she doesn’t know how and got some cock from the same lad again whilst getting stoned. I tried my Jamaican Jerk flavoured pot noodle that actually tasted pretty nice until I heard of Scott that he’s been having green shits the fucking alien, if that didn’t put me off my munch Leanne did a ruthless fart which stank the room out for over 10 minutes the dirty betch! We met Billy & Curtis by the pool to get their money to pay for the rest of the Crazy Speedboat at the Fresh Bar however it was still shut so we figured we’ll be back like the Terminator later on. Scott & Leanne nipped into a shop to get inflatable donuts to chill out with on the beach whilst I was catching up on my diary then decided to go back the shop to buy an inflatable boat for €14 however when I got into the sea the fucker started to deflate within 15 minutes and it was a struggle trying to blow it back up :( Scott went over to find out it cost €10 to go on the peddle boat so we were planning on going 3 ways till Leanne decided to be awkward saying she wants to catch a tan first even though she could do it on the boat. So Scott & I went halves on it however the guy said not to go near this platform which go me wanting to go on it more but Scott was being the sensible one not being up for going there. I jumped off the boat diving into the sea which was salty as fuck, the guy who sold us the Crazy Speedboat mentioned that it’s the second most saltiest sea in the world after the Dead Sea so now I can tell he ain’t chatting no gobbledey-goop! My eyes were burning like a bitch afterwards and I was afraid that a shark or sea lion might bite my chocolate ass since the colour of the sea was dark as fuck. We peddled away really far outwards which was a bad idea as it was workout getting all the way back and throughout the whole journey Scott’s pedal wouldn’t stop squeaking which was more frustrating for him since I can tolerate a shit of noise. After the 1 hour was up we went back to Leanne to see that she’s ready to go back the room, along the way we saw Andy who’s actual name turned out to be Danny lol and his mates Alex & Ali so I got a goodbye message off them since they’re leaving tonight. After having a quick shower & pot noodle I solo marched to Fresh but it was STILL shut but on the way back I got swayed way with the souvenir shop where I bought Jess a frame & shot glass in addition to getting Coralyn some sex dice as I know how much she loves sex hehe as well as some more random UV bracelets for myself :) I saw this crazy laser pen that caught my eye but I didn’t want to buy it yet as it cost €15 so knowing my luck I’d lose it so I figured I’ll get it the day of the full moon party and decided to buy another bottle of Absinthe.I was considering going out with just the 1 contact lense that I had as I’d feel half drunk with the dodgey vision feeling like a pirate arrrrrr! Luckily Scott found it the other one on the bathroom floor so I didn’t have to resort to it in the end as well as finding his safe key in one of his shorts‘ pocket so he got another €25 to survive on bless! I had 4 shots of the 70% stuff when I got back the room then gave Leanne back the Speedboat money incase I lose it like the clown I am and went by the lobby at 9pm to collect our Karnage tickets then joined everyone at the starter bar called The Barn. Along the way I met this guy who came from Newcastle today that was wearing a bikini as this girl said she’ll shag him if he does haha! Shockingly he knew where Crewe was as he came down to visit a mate and went for night out down Nantwich road which he thought was damn right abysmal compared to Geordieland! Everyone got a Total Karnage top in exchange for our tickets as well as scissors being provided to cut it up however we want so I took out the middle part so I had my “Keep Cool and Rave On” logo on my other top visible. Leanne ended up shagging the barman behind the bar which she got rewarded with a free drink haha! The aim of the game was to get a stamp from 10 bars & 1 out of 3 clubs by purchasing a drink which cost €2 each. The downside was that the bartenders were serving me last pretty much all the time as well as putting the stamp on me so I had to “Usain Bolt” it to every place but sadly made it in the top 20 so I didn’t win anything whilst the Sheffield girls finished in the top 10. Scott & the gang were nowhere to be found so I chilled with girls where I ended up snogging both of them as they kissed each other so I said I felt a bit left out hehe ;) We took part in a dance where Tanya was in my team whilst Katie was with some Chinese guy and there were 3 people judging us, sadly we lost as Katie got her fanny out and none of us could do the worm so we all just looked like fish flailing about on dry land. They ended up getting a free meal to somewhere then I went back to my room around 12.30pm to get €20 for the foam party . I saw Nicola coming out saying she’s with the others so I went with her and got a bottle of Peach Snaps to slyly swig and we saw Leanne snogging the face off some guy so we left her to it whilst we had a fair few skanks. However Scott managed to fall over banging his head which he cut as he was fucked more than a prostitute so Curtis & Nicola carried him back to the hotel whilst Billy & Linda went off somewhere. Of course I had to take some photo’s of the whole process then he even ended up chundering on himself even though I gave him a bin to throw up in the gave him a bottle of water which he tipped on himself in addition to wiping alcoholic hand gel on his face! Whilst all this was happening Curtis & I were devouring pot noodles when I tried the chilli beef flavour that was bad arse!!!! Nicola & Linda were arguing for some reason but it was difficult to understand in speedy Scottish lingo, I said to them “ladies please don’t fight Imran’s here all night” but they took no notice. I went pushing this girl’s toilet window next door to have a chat but all we heard was screaming as I think she was curling one out but I’m not tall enough to ever know lol. I noticed that my bag’s zip has broken so now its’ contents are going to fall out if I dance :( I went over to speak to some other neighbours who were these Essex girls & 1 guy called Ahmed who were going the foam party. I nipped back the room to tell the others that I’ll be going with them soon and saw Scott on the darn bathroom floor chundering in the bogs so I flushed the toilet then the sick fucker washed his hands with the water!! I went back the Essex girls room to randomly call one of them Kirsty which I actually got their name correct and 1 kept calling me Elliot as I looked like her ex boyfriend but the brown version. 1 started to cry randomly as she starts to have panic attacks when she get’s too excited which I thought was totally insane as i never witnessed that before, I’m so glad that doesn’t happen to me otherwise I’d be having a full on fit everyday of silly little things! We left around 1.30am but as soon as we were going Leanne came back in tears saying that the lad she was snogging tried to rape her!!! Apparently when we were walking back she tried coming with us but wouldn’t let her and tore her bra off, she kept telling him no as well as slapping him in the face but he wouldn’t stop and had to say she’s going the toilets to get away! Whilst waiting for her to get ready she says that he’s from Newcastle that arrived today living in a hotel near us starting with the letter “C” so I’m going to get the fucker 2moz as no bastard does that to my mate and gets away with it, I was so angry throughout the night every-time I thought of it. Scott was pissing me off as he wouldn’t get in his bed as he was lying on mine which I wasn’t happy about incase he throws up all over my bedsheets which causes me to get charged too. Eventually he shifted back over to his bed after yelling over 20 times, we were speaking to some people from Sheffield that said we should report the incident to a rep. I saw Ollie stumbling down the strip so I got Leanne explaining what happened but I don’t think he was in any state to remember. The lad Leanne has been shagging was keeping her company so I told her to meet me at the foam party later, the club was pretty big with amazing tunes where I was nailing the drinks. I was able to put my bag near the DJ so I was freely able to stomp about like no tomorrow without having to worry about losing anything, I chilled with Ahmed throughout the night and the foam was unreal and I ended up chundering as it was drowning me luckily nobody could see it happening in the foam haha. I went to go for a shit but the place had no bog roll so I had to trek all the way back to my room for one and saw Tanya & Katie chilling by some bar saying they got it for free after paying €6. I gave her a cheeky snog as well as telling her to come back to my chateau later which she was up for. After staying at the foam party for a few more hours I went back to the bar to find the Sheffield girls sadly they were nowhere to be found but Leanne was there getting looked after by that lad and that’s all I can remember thanks to a few more drinks....

Saturday 15^th June 2013

I managed to wake up around 10am whilst the other 2 were asleep so I chilled by the pool doing my diary whilst thinking what to do if I bump into the rapist and then went back the room to wake the others up. Leanne said she did the same stoned sex routine again with the same lad whom said that he wants to get the bell-end who attacked her too so I started to like him now as well as the fact he wants to take her on a date which is sweet. I went looking for Curtis in their room which he said was room 309 but when I walked in I saw 2 hot girls getting woken by me bursting in the room. At first I thought they pulled until I saw their things so I apologised then went back to my room to hear Scott say 306 now, I journeyed back up to the top floor to see that there was no answer to their door so I gave the pool a quick scan to see they’re nowhere to be found. Luckily in all that process the guys were ready for brunch so we set off to Penny’s around 12.15pm, I told the reps what happened to Leanne and Kev said he’s going to find out who it is to give him a telling off since Leanne doesn’t want to make a big deal out of it as she’s embarrassed WTF?!! He says if anything like that happens again to tell the bouncer to knock the geezer out and we found the Bristol boys & Glasgow girls getting a munch at the same place. The place was busy it took ages getting served never-mind receiving our munch but i think having grilled king prawn made it such a longer wait as you have to pre-order a lobster for the next day with a deposit. Scott couldn’t remember a thing from last night and was disgusted to hear he washed his hands with toilet water as well as spitting on Curtis by accident. He went back the room to have a tactical chunder but son came back as he forgot to take the darn key the clown! The food was really nice apart from the shell part which tasted really fishy but I had a fabulous milkshake to wash it all down like a treat which was most certainly worth €29. I didn’t end up putting a deposit down for the lobster as I haven't got much money to last me till monday then got back to the room to get some bits & bobs before heading to the pier for 1.40pm. There was some time to kill so I figured I’ll start doing a bit of sunbathing for once before the speedboat arrived and met this crazy guy called Glen with this quiet Greek driver. He was taking pictures & videos throughout the whole journey and we went beside a cave which weren’t allowed in as the rocks from the ceiling are falling down thanks to previous booze cruises shaking them with the bass from the tunage. So after a nice look of that as well as a lighthouse we went over to this place called Blue Lagoon which looked fucking spectacular! We got off at the beach to chillax for 1 hour and got given a snorkelling set each which we used to have browse underwater, it looked so beautiful like we were in paradise it would have been better if I didn’t swallow the water like a spaz though lol. Glen even took under water videos of us as well as giving us some champagne which was basically Greek Lambrini so I didn't drink much of it. There were 2 booze cruises nearby which looked boring as fuck so I was tempted to swim onboard to liven em up, I spoke to Glen who’s been repping over 10 years and said that he goes over to Austria after the summer season is finished to do ski repping. It got me thinking that I’d love to that but first thing is first.... I need to learn to fucking SKI!!!!! I was glad that I met him as he was the only guy who was on the same crazy level as me so I wonder what I’ll be like when I get to his age! On the way back we put all our things in a waterproof sack as the driver was planning on getting us soaked, when Curtis got onboard he ripped his shorts which resulted in his balls showing so he had to have his towel covering the groin area haha! We went over to the front which was a great idea as the tip of the boat goes the highest which was pretty scary as if you didn’t hang onto dear life you most certainly would have fell out into the sea. The driver turned on both sides twice which got us full on drenched, even-though it was really sunny we were cold when we arrived back. Glen told us to return 2morrow evening to have a look at the pictures & videos if we fancy purchasing any which Leanne & I wanted to do. We got back around to our rooms around 4ish so I got my things and went over to Tanya & Katie by the pool to do another catch up on my diary. Tanya randomly slapped my ass saying she’s having my ass tonight which I‘m looking forward to hehe then Kev came over saying that the rapist apparently is staying at our hotel but hasn’t seen him to say anything yet. I let the girls read my diary whilst I went back the room to have a quick shower as the guys have gone for a meal in addition to Leanne getting ready and I munched on my final pot noodle that was Chines Chow Mein which was pretty nice. After getting my diary back off the girls I went to the shop to get some vodka lemonade and was intrigued with this bubblegum flavoured drink as it had Tom & Jerry on the front so I had no choice but to buy it however I regretted it after having 1 sip since it was minging :( After dropping them off I went on a pilgrimage to find a shop which sold man-bags and was overjoyed to find one for €15 which was better than my old one YAY :) :) When I got back Leanne was ready to go on her date but wasn’t happy that her cold sore has returned so now she can’t kiss him or suck his cock which loved doing bless her and I noticed she’s got a bruise on her neck which she got from getting strangled whilst having sex the kinky bitch! I noticed my pillow case was missing as well as my bed sheet having stains on so that’s going to cost €20 thanks to the extortion charges whilst Scott would be getting billed €100 with his pillow case, blanket & bedsheets having chunder & blood stains on! When Scott returned I broke the news to him which he is gutted about but I said to threaten to call the British Embassy if he can’t afford to pay it, he wasn’t up for going out tonight as he was feeling grim from last night and soon Leanne came back with Mr Clingy who’s name is Ash as well as seeming like a chilling dude. I went off at 7.20pm to the Sheffield girls’ room at the opposite hotel to pre-drink with these 2 other lads, I brought my vodka lemonade which perfectly in my man bag so I regret not doing this from the start of the damn holiday to save a fair bit of cash! 1 lad used to be a sound tester so he gave it an attempt to fix the girls’ docking station however he couldn’t get it working so Katie was blaring tunes from her phone like we were all 13 all over again lol. They were with Escapades which are not apparently good either as the manager told them to be quiet as soon as they arrived hence why they’ve been at our hotel all the time and I saw that Escapades do the exact same excursions for the same price as Club 18-30 which I think is a bit odd since they’re supposed to be their competition :S I went over to the lobby at 8pm to pick our tickets up which didn’t even have our actual names on and went back the room to give the tickets to Scott & Leanne then got changed in my ace of spades outfit. Afterwards I went back to meet some hot girls from Skegness as well as this veiny looking guy and his mate that are from Nottingham. They arrived last night and already think it’s terrible as they been getting fucked being overcharged for everything and found maggots in their room however when the cleaner arrived they just wiped them off! The mad bastard is going on the Jeremy Kyle show when he gets back to prove to his girlfriend that he didn’t cheat on her in Kavos and said they brought 40 quid’s worth of weed each up their ass from the UK as well as swearing he’s not a druggie but his body begs to differ! I chilled with Curtis them lot who agree he must be a crackhead then left at 8.30pm to the first bar which was pretty shit so they played on pool whilst I was on Facebook then the second place had a bar which sold €1 faggot shots or €2 cocktails so I nailed my vodka lemonade and sprinted back to my room to fill it back up again. When I got back I saw everyone going to the club Future where the Silent Disco was being held and spoke to a Escapades rep who says they are exactly the same as Club 18-30 even selling BIg Reunion and get payed 500 quid a month standard! I was shocked to see Sean the photo rep from Malia being here giving out the headphones saying that he’s working in an office this year and I thought I saw Leanne’s rapist as he looked like the guy she described. I went over asking to see if he arrived from Newcastle last night which he said yes to then when I told him he tried raping my mate last night he didn’t even look surprised or even apologise! I really wanted to beat fuck out of him straight away but I didn’t want to get kicked out already so I told him I’m going to get him later after the event so I decided to be the biggest cock-block ever by warning all the girls about him which they were happy about. Ot was funny seeing him getting turned down by every girl then sipping a pint on his own looking sad it serves him fucking right! Soon after the Silent Disco the lad I met in Tanya’s room came with me down the strip to get more drunk and I saw Leanne with Ash so I decided to go 3 ways on some weed with them so we all went back our room to get chonged. God knows how but I went back down the strip afterwards for even more drinks and found the lad again so we headed to Tanya’s hotel however we weren’t allowed in. Apparently we smashed their hotel’s window somehow then took refuge back in our room to carry on drinking and some Greek guy was staring at me with a big shiny blade so I got a fork & spoon from the drawers to defend myself PMSL! Scott pulled me back in the room incase I got shanked and from there onwards I couldn’t remember anything....

Sunday 16^th June 2013

We got woken up by the Bristol boys around 11ish to see if we’re up for a munch so Scott & I got up as Leanne was still sleeping and went to Subway where I was still feeling drunk from last night so I ended up stealing the tray as a souvenir to give someone back home as a rolling mat haha! Afterwards the guys chilled in their rooms whilst I went by the pool to catch up on my diary, I met this lad who lived in Australia for 3 months and mentioned that there are shark attacks over there all the time. So they have someone keeping watch all the time I think they need to call that geezer a “Shark Spotter” and if one pops up an alarm rings for everyone to come onto the shore, he thinks that he saw 2 fins about that were a sharks as the alarm went off soon after! Tanya & Katie found me so we went off for a meal at the place where I went on my own the first day and the waiter was trying his charms with Tanya which she wasn’t game for at all. I got the same Greek starter again with a milkshake but was upset when it was finished so I satisfied my craving with an ice cream afterwards :)I went to squeeze a turd out then tried to flush the toilet but the bog road wouldn’t flush so I thought they may tell me to get it out so I went to the staff informing them someone has put toilet paper down the toilet and that I went the girls toilet because of it so now they’ll never suspect it’s me lol. We were nipping into a few souvenir shops where I found these new flavours of Capri Sun that really looked appealing to me as they had pictures of animals on the front but couldn’t decide which to get so I got 3 different flavours. I tried to find some tape to cover my speakers but was unsuccessful however I found a pencil with a shark on it that I could imagine my favourite little brother Ridders liking so I got it for him. We spoke to this PR who really like my tops as well as saying he’s got a cap which he described was the same as mine but says he got it from a festival for 25 quid and offered to sell it but I didn’t want to buy back a hat tbh. We nipped to my room so I could start packing and saw that Scott was waiting for me or Leanne since he didn’t have a key. I got him to make my last spliff which we got chonged to whilst Tanya enjoyed reading my filthy book and wanted to take it home with her which I was fine with. Soon the girls left to get ready while we were monging out as the spliff got us both full on baked luckily the Bristol boys knocked on when we were getting on our munchies so we went to Penny’s to grab some grub. I started to act paranoid after a while so the guys decided to make it worse by saying there is things on me and Curtis said he’s Gordan Ramsey’s son which made me think he did actually look a bit like him lol. I went off afterwards saying that I’m going to have a quick snooze to get rid of the paranoia but first went to find some tape which I did. It was a struggle trying to find my way back to my room as it felt like a maze since I couldn’t remember the way and it didn’t help people telling me the wrong way! Eventually when I figured my way back I couldn’t get no sleep as Leanne was playing music so I told her to get the Speedboat pictures & DVD whilst I tape the speakers up but she was being her awkward self again as usual! She wanted me to come with her as she doesn’t want to go on her own as she looks a mess so everyone will be staring at her so I called her awkward and that even when she get’s ready she looks the same so there’s no need to be like this. I had no choice in the end but to go with her otherwise she wouldn’t have gone to get them and trekked at 8.15pm, we had a look at the photo’s which were good but cost €5 and Leanne chose the best ones so I got the average one and the DVD for €15 which looked amazing. We got told to return around 10-11ish tonight to pick them up so when we got back Leanne said she’s going to sleep as she’s not going out tonight. She was being paranoid thinking she’s not going to wake up to get the stuff later so I set her the alarm as well as for the morning and Scott came to say we’re having pre-drinks in the Glasgow girls’ room along with the Bristol boys. Firstly we went by the lobby to get our t-shirts around 9pm after I got into my neon ravers outfit, Kev said we’ll get our tickets at The Barn which is the first bar but I couldn’t understand why they couldn’t just give it us now :s So we figured we’ll meet them later then went to the shop to pool together some money for drinks as we only had €20 each left. We played the game “I have never” where we all found out some ruthless things about each other like Billy being a virgin bless him, Nicola going down on a girl, Scott jizzing in his own eye and me shagging my mate’s mum lmao! I went on a solo mission to get everyone’s tickets but along the way I saw everyone at a different pub and a rep saying our t-shirts are our tickets so I don’t why they couldn’t say this in the first place! These reps are god damn dog shite as they’re not very sociable and makes it look an easy job for me since someone said I was the best rep there so they were shocked when I said I’m just on holiday lol. After I got back we played a game called “Fuzzy Duck or Ducky Fuzz” which we have to say really quick and if we either hesitate as if we say Fuzzy Duck the person on the left says the same to carry it on left or Ducky Fuzz to send it back to the person on the right. If you get it wrong you’d have to down your drink so I got it wrong at the start to get drunk but near the end everyone was getting the words wrong by saying “does he fuck” or “fuck he does’ since everybody was steaming. I set off at 11pm on my own to the Full Moon Party as I was anxious to go out luckily I saw everyone just going to it so I followed the heard, a first it wasn’t very busy so I got myself a bucket drink for €5 then by 12am it was packed! I was chilling with Scott them lot listening to DJ Majestic who brought the motherfucking house down skanking like no tomorrow under the UV light glowing like a lightbulb! I took a quick break to have a hotdog as there was a guy on the beach cooking em for €3 each then was getting with Tanya trying to get her back to my room which she was up for but didn’t want to leave Katie so I thought that was really nice and figured I’ll wait about by enjoying the night first. I was broke eventually so I went mine sweeping which was a bad idea as I couldn’t remember anything after that AGAIN!!!

Monday 17^th June 2013

Scott & I got woken up by Billy around 8am to see that Leanne has gone without even bothering to wake us up the awkward even though her flight his 30 minutes earlier than ours! I packed whatever I could see lying about and Scott was fine with putting my docking station in his case and I couldn’t be arsed getting changed as I was still feeling drunk so I figured I’ll keep my neon raver outfit on whilst flying back. We were waiting at the lobby to get our passports but firstly they had to check if we’re going to get overcharged so I was chatting to everyone and getting a goodbye message off people. Dilhan’s mate Cagri said that I’m more than welcome to pop down London sometime for a night out as well as saying there is a club which has furry walls like the film Get Him To The Greek! Of course I accepted that invitation in a heartbeat as I haven’t really been London for a night out properly never mind getting off my tits touching up a fury wall agghhhhh I can’t wait :) Some girl pointed out to me that I’ve got an eyebrow missing so I spoke to Scott to hear that he was checking up on every 30 minute at the beach as he went back early to see me getting more drunk every time he checked up on me. Apparently I recruited loads of people back to our room with Tanya around 5am to carry on getting fucked out my head, I was trying it on with Tanya but I was in no state to get my shag on with her and passed out. So they played buckaroo with me as well as putting shaving cream etc on my face and taking off 1 eyebrow, however he did clean everything off me afterwards so now he just owes me 1 last drunken clean-up which I did for him back on bonfire night 2011 lol. Luckily we didn’t get charged for the stains we left on our sheets so we both got our €40 back success! The coach came around 10am on the way back we got given a questionnaire to fill in asking loads of mumbo jumbo so I mentioned how the reps were crap, not giving us our photo CD or a wristband. The journey was over 1 hour back so it was a good thing filling the form in and I was doing 1 last skank on the way back as the tunage was pretty darn good then I noticed that my new man bag has ripped already inside :( The que for the airport was so huge that it was outside so I got Scott waiting in the que whilst I went to get us both a sausage roll and whilst the guy turned around I slyly stole some mystery flavoured gum & cherry drops muhahaha! Eventually after getting our bags weighed & received our boarding passes I went to the shop to buy a carton of fags for €34, when we walking off I realised I lost the passes so Scott was going sick at me. I kept saying I’m sorry but he kept yelling so I started yelling back then was getting back into the que to get another set until Curtis went back to the shop to see that I left them on the counter so I gave Scott all the important things to hold onto to. We got on the plane around 1ish throughout the whole journey I slept like a baby and was having a crazy dream that there’s a club on the plane where I was partying away so it was 1 last virtual skank before leaving Kavos. When I woke up my neck was aching like a bitch as soon as I woke up as I slept in an awkward angle and before we got off I can’t remember who but someone recommended me to go Waterstones to try get this published so I think that’ll be the POA when I arrive back home. The baggage took fucking ages so Scott gave his mum a call off Ash’s phone to see if anyone picked his car keys up to pick us up from the airport but nobody has even bothered. After saying farewell to everyone Ash came with us to wait for Leanne but couldn’t see her arrivals flight so we chilled by the entrance for about 30 minutes and had a look around the airport but however she was nowhere to be found so we just decided to go without her. We were wondering how Leanne is going to get home since she didn’t have any English money or her phone to get in contact with us which I thought was ridiculous since it’s common sense to have money to come back home with! I borrowed Scott 25 quid for a single train ticket back whilst I only had to pay 16 quid thanks to my rail card. We had a 30 minute wait till our train arrived whilst Ash’s came in 10 minutes and said that he’s going to Barcelona next week the lucky fucker then soon set off on the train to Wolverhampton. We both agreed that he was a sound guy, Leanne just made him out worse than he is so I feel bad for slagging him off before and when our train came I did a shit load of catching up on my diary whilst Scott slept. Crewe was the 3rd stop so it wasn’t that much of a wait so when we arrived in Crewe it was only 5.10pm and Scott says that he’s afraid of flying as he was on edge on the way back thinking the plane is going to crash the wimp haha! The journey back home was pretty funny as everyone was smiling at me thanks to my outfit so at least I gave them a little chuckle for the road. After parting ways with Scott I got home to my mum yelling at me for wearing all these bright bracelets as she hates them and thought I got beat up thanks to the cuts on my face. I told her that I slipped down some wet steps which she believed but didn’t even notice the missing eyebrow so at least I avoided a made up explanation for that one there! I unpacked everything whilst she prepared me a curry which I’ve missed all week and got me thinking I’m going to hate it when I move out :( I gave Jess a call which she didn’t answer so I figured she’s still at work then mum asked me what I ate and got up to so with a cheeky smirk on my face which she didn’t notice I said I relaxed all week going on boat trips watching films at the cinema and just eating fish & chips! Thank fuck she doesn’t read my diaries to know what I actually get up to haha soon my dad came home who actually was trying to read my diary so I quickly covered it up and asked what I got up to so I said the same white lie hehe! The house phone rang around 6.15pm so I so I quickly answered incase my mum picked it up as she doesn’t like me hanging out with girls, it was Jess who just finished finished work. She mentioned she’s going to the sun beds so I figured I’ll meet her there so i set off at 6.30pm while she was on the Flabuloss machine I was telling her what has happened which she thought was insane and cannot wait to go Malia in 1 week. I gave her the presents I got which she loved then arranged to meet up on Wednesday for a proper catch up. I came home to do a shit load of catching up on my T.V programmes whilst catching up onmy diary since I was behind, Mum was yelling at Ridders for skiving mosque after only going there for 30 minutes as he wanted to play out so she’s going to try ground him and it just looks like me 10 years ago haha! He loved the shark pencil I got him as well as finding out that his favourite animal is a tiger so I’ll have a look at some souvenir for him similar to that when I go abroad next time, mum mentioned it was Father’s day a week ago asking what I got Dad which I forgot about so I had a quick brainstorm and gave him a pack of fags I got from Kavos that he liked. Mum took over the TV putting some daft Asian program on so I went to my room to polish off my diary and went to sleep by 10pm since I gotta get up early as I got work at 7.45am..... It was a struggle getting sleep but when I did I woke up with my body feeling like pins & needles whilst having a fit and a strange looking animal like a cat pushing me which was freaking as I couldn’t speak or see what it is since it was dark! I went back to sleep thinking nothing of it but when I got back sleep it happened again but this time I was in Kavos trying to get home I couldn’t push past the people as well as still not being able to speak. My vision went black when I heard someone typing the words “Lucy Bloor + Dead = Death” with eerie whispers in the background, the fit was a lot longer this time and when I looked at the clock it was 11.30pm. I thought it was strange seeing that name typed up since I’ve no idea who Lucy Bloor is or even ever hearing that name so I went back to sleep thinking it can’t happen for the 3rd time. Boy was I wrong I tried getting out of bed but soon as I opened the door it led to Kavos with a sleazy club scene with pumping music along with the eerie voice however I managed to get to my mum’s room to return to reality. She was doing her prayers so I waited around for her to finish then told her to watch me incase I start having a fit again, she thought I caught a demon inside me so she was doing her on me and rubbing holy oil on me which smelt a bit funky. I couldn’t get to sleep as she was saying her prayers loudly but when I did I was ok until she woke me up from my slumber at 2.30am kicking me out her bed telling go back to my bed. I ended up having another dream which wasn’t as bad as I ran into mum’s room to see that her mate, Dad & cousin giving me a sunday dinner which I found odd. I didn’t want to go sleep in my bed alone again so I took Ridders out of his bed to out him in mine as he shares with my older brother do I told him to keep an eye on me. I kept hearing music which I thought was the alcohol neighbours until I heard the eerie whispers again which meant me going back into my dream again so I kept waking up. It felt like I was in a Freddy Kruger movie as I didn’t want to go sleep as I’ll get tormented, Moses saw what I was fitting like which he thought was scary eventually when I got sleeping I stopped having fits as well as not returning to Kavos. However when I did go back sleep the scumbag alcoholics next door tried robbing house but i managed to get them out then went down to watch T.V as I couldn’t get sleep but Scott climbed in through the window with 3 random lads & 2 girls pissed up with nowhere to go so I threatened them out with a knife but the delinquents smashed up my garden. I woke up to be glad that was a dream it’s shocking to not be able to tell that they all felt real and how scary they were especially the ones where I had a fit! I woke up around 4am thinking I don’t want to go sleep again incase I have another dream so I got ready for work and caught up on my diary whilst watching a shit load more TV. Mum came down to check up on me putting more of that stinky holy oil on me which I rubbed off as soon as she went back upstairs and thinking this is going to be 1 grim day at work!

Well there you have it Kavos 2013 is complete with a strange ending which I hope is going to get better after tonight’s sleep. I managed to do 4 out of my 7 tasks sadly I didn’t get my shag on as I got too fucked but at least I know I could have but still wounded the only gash I got was on my face :( Hopefully I get to try a turtle over in Bulgaria which I’m going to remember every night as I’m going to be “drinking responsibly” but does that ever happen eh? I’m so glad that I met a shit load of people with a lot of places to visit now with a fair few weekends lined up partying! My loyal man bag broke, lost more than 1 pair of shades, cap, phone, almost my diary, woke up with so many cuts & bruises, someone almost getting raped but overall I had a fucking amazing time!! God I wonder what Bulgaria is going to bring in 7 weeks & 5 days I SAY A NICE ON BRUVVAAAA!!!!!!!